Post Surgery Blahs...

So I'm almost 6 weeks post surgery. Crazy how fast time has flown by. I'm getting along better, but not 100% yet. I am still out of work until October 21. I still need help getting in bed, but I'm almost there. I have had a few different pains, but my doctor said those are normal pains after having such a big surgery. It's so crazy, my stomach is still numb. It's the weirdest feeling. I've been trying to go on walks and small outings to work up my endurance. If I have a big day, I definitely pay for it at the end of the day. 

I'm starting to feel better, physically and emotionally. I have my "moments" where the post surgery blahs kick in, though. I sometimes have a hard time when I see pregnant people. It seems like everyone is getting pregnant now, it's all I see on Facebook. I don't have anything against ones that are pregnant, but its just sometimes hard for me. I guess just realizing that all of this is true and letting reality sink in. I know that it's normal, especially for everything I've gone through, but I feel guilty when I have my "moments". 

I'm just kind of stuck in a rut right now. My forehead is getting bigger aka my hair is thinning more and I'm so pale. I can't believe it's almost October and I can count on 1 hand how many times I went to the pool this summer. That is so not normal for me. I also didn't go to the beach at all. It just sucks cuz my favorite things about California are the sun, beach, and hiking. I have not done any of them. Not by choice, either. 

I try to stay positive, but it's not always easy. There's a Facebook group called "the Desmoidian" that all the members are people with desmoid tumors and their family. Finding that Facebook group has been one of the greatest things. I've never personally met any of them, but I have gotten to know many of them so well that it feels like it. When I'm down, I know I can count on them because they've all been there before too. This coming weekend is the DTRF Research Symposium and Running for Answers in Philadelphia. I'm very sad that I won't be there, but I hope to next year. Watch this to learn more about Running for Answers. Sometimes it feels like no one understands, but these people do. I wish there were some that lived around me. 

The new Katy Perry song "Roar" is one of the most motivating songs. One of the first things I do everyday is listen to that song to try to get in the right mindset everyday. 

I started a new medicine, Neurontin, to hopefully help with the hot flashes. I'm just a little unsure of it because I take 100mg 3x a day for a week. Then 200mg 3x a day for the second week, then 300mg 3x a day starting the 3rd week and continue with that. 900mg a day seems like a bunch of extra junk to be putting into my body. I just started the second week today, so hopefully I start noticing some relief. On top of all of this I am sick now, too.  I have to be careful because the tamoxifen makes my immune system a lot weaker and makes it easier to get infections.

Tomorrow will be a new day...