3 More Months...

Just a quick update from today's appointment.  I saw both my medical and surgical oncologist.  I hadn't seen the medical oncologist since my very first visit to City of Hope in June.  

I went into this appointment all mentally prepared for chemo being the next step.  I was all ready for it.  Simply because I am so sick of being miserable.  I do not sleep at all.  The hot flashes have gotten so much worse.  All day and all night.  

Well, my medical oncologist didn't want to switch to chemo yet.  Since the Tamoxifen/Sulindac combo is working, he doesn't want to go to something that isn't guaranteed to work yet.  But, my dosage did get lowered.  They changed it from 6 pills to 2.  And added another medicine, Effexor, to hopefully help with the hot flashes.  

I was kind of frustrated because I tried asking for a lower dosage in August and my surgical oncologist instantly said no.  But on the plus side, they did think that the tumor had gotten softer than the previous visits.  

I have mixed feelings about how today went.  I mean, it's good because the Tamoxifen/Sulindac is working and it's good because it is a less invasive medicine.  But, I'm just frustrated.  I'm sick of being miserable.  I was just ready to start the chemo because the chances of it shrinking faster were much greater.  But they're the doctors, they're the experts, I trust them for that reason.

As long as I'm feeling ok the next 3 months, I will continue with 40mg of Tamoxifen (versus 120mg), Sulindac, Gabapentin, Clonidine, and newly added Effexor.  I sure hope get some relief with this!!  I go back in April for another CT scan and will see both of my oncologists again.  

My sister sent me a care package and included a journal in it.  I have been trying my best to write in it everyday and including something positive that has happened that day.  Some days I really have a rough time doing it, but I'm working on it.  It's my outlet.  So far, my high points in most of my days have something to do with work.  Only because that's all I do.  I go to work and put on a fake act because those around me have no idea what I'm going through. Then I come home and lay in my chair because I am just so exhausted.  I'm trying my best to stay positive.  Keyword=trying.  

Here's to a new year… can only hope it is better than 2013.  I will never ever forget the year 2013, when my life changed forever.