Ughhh….

I'm so frustrated.  I had to wait a little bit before writing this blog post because I needed to calm down.  I just want answers.  

I had to be at the hospital at 5:30 this morning!  I thought they were being funny yesterday when they called to have me come in earlier.  I had blood work at 5:30 and a MRI at 6:30.  Then I saw the doctor at 9.  

I have to be honest.  The MRI was actually enjoyable.  Well, as enjoyable as a test can be.  I usually don't like MRI's because I get so claustrophobic, however they put some sort of contraption over my head and connected a mirror to it that was at a special angle so I could see a TV on the outside of the tube.  They put "Despicable Me" on to watch, too.  I have never seen the movie, but now I want to.  It definitely made the time go by faster and made me forget about being in a small tube. They put headphones on me too to cover up the loud noises.  If you haven't heard the noises a MRI makes, watch this.  Unfortunately due to the location of my tumor, I had to hold my breathe for 15-25 seconds at a time, too.  Otherwise I probably would have fallen asleep. Oh and I didn't have to drink any sort of nasty drink beforehand so that made it even better!  If only a MRI wasn't a lot more expensive than a CT, I would request a MRI every time...  

But, unfortunately, the MRI didn't show anything.  I mean, it's good that it didn't show any sort of new mass or anything, but still it's so frustrating because I just want answers.  The doctor is getting worried that the endometriosis is growing in the hysterectomy incision.  He says it's very rare….but everything about me has been so rare.  Unfortunately, endometriosis won't show up in any sort of test.  Therefore, there is a good chance that he might have to do another laproscopic surgery soon to see what's going on.     

They prescribed me a lidocaine pain patch to try.  I'm hoping that this helps, especially because this is something that I would be able to use while at work for some relief.  I'm willing to try anything.  The lidocaine cream didn't work, but they say that this patch is a stronger dosage and should seep into my skin.  

I get a little frustrated because it does seem sometimes that their solution to everything is "here's some more pain pills".  I try not to take pain pills unless I am in horrendous pain.  I don't like the side effects at all.  I want to try to live as normal of a life as possible.  But how am I supposed to do that if I'm doped up all day errday?  Although, I don't even know what "normal" is anymore…

Oh, and guess what.  I got referred to ANOTHER doctor.  So, that makes it FIVE doctors that I am seeing now.  Aye yi yi.  I will see this new doctor on Friday.  She is a pain management doctor, too.  But she specializes in doing more with long term pain treatments/shots/etc.  Hopefully she's got some sort of solutions.

Ughhhhh….