Rough week...

Well, I have completed a week of treatment.  But it sure has been a rough week!!  

Monday:  I went grocery shopping for the first time since the new estrogen free diet.  It was such a horrible time; I left the store crying.  I never knew there were so many different foods that contain estrogen in them.  I have to avoid eating food that contains estrogen so that I can get this stupid thing shrunk ASAP!

Foods Containing Natural Estrogens A number of different foods and herbs are sources of natural plant estrogens, and can be very helpful during menopause, The following is a list of some of the best food sources of estrogen. These foods are also high in vitamins, minerals, fiber, and essential fatty acids, and they are low in saturated fat. In other words, they are nutritious and should be part of your diet on a regular basis. Alfalfa Animal flesh (ewwwwwwwww!!) Anise seed Apples (I use to eat an apple everyday.  I guess "an apple a day keeps the dr away" isn't so true!) Baker’s yeast Barley Beets Carrots Cherries Chickpeas Clover Cowpeas (black- eyed peas) Cucumbers Dairy Foods Dates Eggs Eggplant Fennel Flaxseeds Garlic Hops Licorice Oats Olive oil Olives Papaya Parsley Peas Peppers Plums Pomegranates Potatoes (one of my fave foods... I love me some carbs!!) Pumpkin Red beans Red clover Rhubarb Rice Sage Sesame seeds Soybean sprouts Soybeans (I'm lactose intolerant so I use soy milk) Split peas Sunflower seeds Tomatoes Wheat (everything has wheat flour, even WHITE bread!  tortillas, crackers, cereals, etc) Yams Estrogen Inhibiting Foods If you are suffering from breast cancer, PMS, fibroids, ovarian cysts, and other situations that estrogen might exacerbate, the following estrogen inhibiting foods might be of interest to you. Berries Broccoli Buckwheat Cabbage Citrus Foods Corn Figs Fruits (except apples, cherries, dates, pomegranates) Grapes Green beans Melons Millet Onions Pears Pineapples Squashes Tapioca White rice White flour *I looked at this list before going shopping and didn't think it would be too bad until I started looking at the ingredients of everything at the store and it took me by surprise because everything either had wheat flour or soy in it.  Needless to say, I have A LOT more research to do before I go grocery shopping again.  I know it will get easier with time, but right now it is very difficult!

Wednesday:  I was brushing my hair and lost my first wad of hair.  I remember in 6th grade volleyball telling one of my teammates that I wish I could just shave my head and be bald.  I said I would totally rock bald because it was a pain to be a girl and have to do our hair.  But no matter how much I had mentally prepared myself for this, it still is very shocking and emotional.

As if the pain wasn't enough to deal with, the side effects have already begun to hit me. I didn't think it would be so soon.  I feel like a 50 year old woman going through menopause.  These hot flashes are horrendous, especially during the night.  I can't even get comfortable in bed anymore between hot flashes and pain; therefore, I am constantly exhausted, too.  The hot flashes and hair thinning are the 2 that I've noticed so far.  I got my hair cut Thursday and went a little shorter than normal to try to make my hair look as full as can for as long as I can.  

I am currently stuck in that "why me?" stage.  I'm trying to be as positive as I can, but it's just so hard right now.  I just don't understand it.  There's so much to take in and I just can't get my head wrapped around it.  Why me??? Why couldn't I have been the 1 in a million to get something good.... instead of this HORRIBLE thing.  I know this is a normal feeling to go through, but I'm trying to get out of this funk because it doesn't result in anything good.  

But what keeps getting me through everyday is my new tattoo!  It is my daily reminder to keep fighting.  I'm so glad I got my tattoo done while my mom was here so I was able to get "fight" in my mom's handwriting.  I catch myself just staring at it.  

I'm trying to think of a good name to name the tumor, because I hate always saying "tumor".  I guess if I'm going to be living with it for awhile it should have a name.  I'm open to any suggestions.  Here's to hoping for a better next week!