Trying New Things..

Me, my dad,
Kaitlyn, and
stepmom 

Me, my mom, and Kaitlyn

I just got back from a quick vacation.  I went home for my sisters college graduation.  It was good to get away for a little bit, but like always, the trip home went by too fast.  I still can not believe that she graduated college.  It seems like I just graduated yesterday.

It's less than half the size of
my phone

I got my TENS unit in the mail.  This little device is AAAAAMAZING!  I wish that I knew about it longer ago.  It is small enough that I can use it while at work, too.  I use it 6-7ish hours a day and have only had to charge it once.  I can't get over how good the battery life is. Because of the help with this nifty thing, I went almost 2 weeks without taking any pain pills.  I had to give in and take pain pills tonight because the pain has been so bad the past 2 days that I have been crying.  I hate taking the pain pills, but I also want to be able to relax a little bit and not be so miserable.  

The seeds on the pressure
points to help with sleeping,
nausea, and hot flashes

So I had my first acupuncture appointment yesterday.  It was definitely an experience.  I couldn't bring myself to look at the needles because it would've really freaked me out.  I will admit that it was nice and relaxing.  She turned the lights off and there was soothing music playing so that helped me calm down a little bit.  There were 21, yes 21, needles in my abdomen at one time.  I couldn't believe it.  Most of them I couldn't feel because I am still numb from my surgery, but there were a couple that did hurt.  She also put these seeds in my ear in certain places on the different pressure points.  I am to push on these 3-4 times a day for 3-4 days. The top 2 are to help regulate my sleeping and the lower/inner ones are to help with nausea and hot flashes.  I'm keeping an open mind and crossing my fingers that this helps.  If it helps with 1 of my 3 worst symptoms, I would be a happy camper.  She did say that acupuncture can be slower and that it may take several sessions so we'll see.  I am going every Wednesday for the next few weeks.  *fingers crossed!*



Does anyone have a preference for pharmacy?  I have been having so many problems with my pharmacy.  I am looking to switch and go to a different one, but don't know which is best.  Any input would be greatly appreciated! :)


I miss the life I had before Dezzie took over my life.  I miss working out.  I miss hanging out with friends.  I miss having a social life.  I miss having energy.  I would do anything to be able to do all of that again.  I have no life outside of work.  Some days it takes all of me to get up and to even go to work, let alone do anything after work.  I have definitely realized who my true friends are, though.  I know that not everyone can handle this, but they're not dealing with it personally.  It sucks, though, that these so called friends are no where to be found when I need someone, even if it's just to chat.  Hopefully one day I will be able to have my life back again.  But, I am thankful for my true friends.  I wouldn't want to be wasting my time with fake ones.  

Pain meds are kicking in, so time to relax and try to get a little bit of sleep, until the next hot flash hits…  I hope the next blog post is more positive.  I'm hoping to start feeling a little better soon.

Warning! Not positive...

You've been warned, the positivity isn't good in this post.

I had my second block done last week on Monday and should be feeling better by now.  They didn't put as much numbing stuff in this time so my legs didn't go numb. However, I was so much more nauseous this time. I was throwing up and couldn't keep anything down from Wednesday-Sunday. I would take numb legs over nausea anyday. I should be feeling good by now, but I'm not. 

I'm so sick of this. I'm sick of appointment after appointment and no one knowing what's wrong.  I'm over it. I'm sick of it.  I can't stay positive right now because I am in so much pain and nauseous again. I have been in so much pain that I have been crying even.  I DON'T UNDERSTAND. It's frustrating when I see 6 different doctors and no one knows. I wish I was able to get some answers instead of just being given another medicine. 

I feel so helpless, too. I'm so thankful for Luis. I can't get into or out of bed on my own anymore. He has to lay me down and sit me up. I feel so bad. There's no way I could get through this without him. He's a saint for putting up with me.  The other night I looked at my phone and it was 11:11.  I said to Luis, "11:11 make a wish".  He said "OK" when he was done.  I kept trying to ask him what he wished.  It took a little while but I finally got it out of him because he kept saying if he tells me his wish it wouldn't come true.  He said he wished that I wasn't in pain anymore.  That was my wish too.  I teared up because I thought that was so sweet.  

I can't believe that a year ago today I had my biopsy. It feels like just yesterday. It's hard to not reflect back on everything I have been through in the past year. I would have never thought I would be 25/26 and go through all of this.  Going into my biopsy I was scared, but I never thought I would get the results that I ended up getting. 

I had another doctors appointment today. It was a checkup from my block last week.  She doesn't want to jump into scheduling another block yet.  She is referring me to an acupuncturist because she thinks it could help with hot flashes and the pain.  At this point in time I'm willing to try anything.  She also added 2 more medicines to my loooong list.  She gave me an electrotherapy session, too.  It surprisingly felt good.  It's nice because it gives electroshocks and it is so small so it is something that I can wear under my clothes and use while I'm at work.  I would much rather use this little device than take pain meds.  My device will arrive Monday or Tuesday, so only a few more days.  She really wanted to take me out of work but I fought her on it.  I enjoy going to work because it gets my mind off of things.  I got way too depressed when I was on my leave and sitting at home doing nothing.  I just want to try to live as much of a normal life as possible.

There's part of me that is so fed up and just wants to quit taking all of my meds.  I hate that all of my problems are caused from side effects to other medicines.  When I say I am experiencing this side effect, I'm given another medicine.  Then that one causes a side effect so here's another.  It's never-ending.  There's several people that I have talked to in my support group that are taking the "wait and see" method.  I'm so close to seeing about going that route.  It really can't be good for me putting all of this poison into my body.  I just wish there was a known cure because I am so sick of this.  I just want to be done.

Sorry for being so negative, but I just needed to bitch a little bit…  Tomorrow will hopefully be a better day.